There are three key phrases to remember if ever someone comes forward to you and discloses an incident of sexual violence:<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m so sorry.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m here for you.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you need?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cThe vast majority of people who have been assaulted will tell someone and that person may be you,\u201d Julie Lalonde said at her workshop at Dawson College Jan. 21.<\/p>\n More than 150 employees and students attended the 90-minute workshop offered at four different times Jan. 21 and 22. Entitled I\u2019ve got your back: Bystanders stepping up to prevent sexual violence<\/strong>, the sessions were given by Julie Lalonde, an internationally renowned women\u2019s rights advocate and public educator.<\/p>\n A person who has experienced an incident of sexual violence may expect to be grilled with questions when they disclose. All you need to do is show your care and concern, and listen to them. \u201cYou need to give them the power to decide what to do next,\u201d Julie said.<\/p>\n \u201cIf the person who discloses to you is an adult, do not call the police. That would be setting something in motion and breaking their confidence,\u201d Julie said. The appropriate thing is to listen and use those three phrases.<\/p>\n It is important to be ready because the statistics are staggering. \u201cOne third of women and one sixth of men will be a victim of sexual violence. If you are a woman, you are at risk of being assaulted your whole life,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n Women who live with a disability are four times more likely to experience sexual violence and women who are Indigenous are three times more likely.<\/p>\n Julie also gave the audience some tactics to use for preventing sexual violence and intervening.<\/p>\n For younger people, going to bars and parties can put them at increased risk for assault. Julie suggested making a party plan. \u201cIf four of us arrive together, four of us leave together,\u201d she advised. \u201cIf your friend is intoxicated and about to leave with someone, you can check in with them, or suggest taking their phone number and calling them the next day.\u201d<\/p>\n Other ideas are to create a diversion in any situation or ask a bouncer to help.<\/p>\n If you become aware of a friend or family member being abused, you can discreetly tell them: \u2018I see or I hear.\u2019 \u201cYou can let them know that you are seeing something. They need our empathy, not our judgement,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n If you witness something on a metro or train, you can pull an emergency brake and help will arrive. On a bus, you can alert the bus driver.<\/p>\n However, it is not always safe to intervene. \u201cSometimes you cannot do anything in the moment,\u201d she acknowledged. \u201cYou can take a photo (discretely) or file a police report later,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n Julie shared the legal definition of consent in Canada: \u201cVoluntary agreement of the complainant to engage in the sexual activity in question.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cConsent must be voluntary, sober, enthusiastic, and it is never assumed,\u201d Julie said. \u201cThe bar is set pretty low for consent. Basically, don\u2019t dehumanize the other person.\u201d<\/p>\n Julie pointed out how silence does not equal consent. \u201cThere are various ways people say no. For example, you run into a friend and invite them to come to the movies the next day. The person says \u2018I\u2019ll get back to you.\u2019 They are actually letting you down easy. Their answer is \u2018no.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n It can be similar in a sexual situation. People say yes or no in various ways. \u201cA person has to have the capacity to say yes. If you cannot drive a car or agree to a tattoo, you can\u2019t give consent either. If you are saying yes out of fear, you are not saying yes.\u201d<\/p>\n Towards the end of her workshop, Julie showed a photo of Beyonc\u00e9 and Nicki Minaj and encouraged everyone to be supportive friends to each other, especially men. \u201cMen often access support through female friends. They assume women have their back and not men. Be a good friend.\u201d<\/p>\n While the police reporting rates are very low across Canada, the incidence of sexual violence is high and the chances that you are a bystander or that someone discloses to you are also high. Remember what to do so you can offer appropriate support.<\/p>\nGive the discloser the power to decide how to respond<\/h2>\n
Staggering statistics<\/h2>\n
Some bystander tactics<\/h2>\n
What is consent?<\/h2>\n
Be a solid friend and support survivors<\/h2>\n
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